The boy he called Chinnu

I can’t recollect how old I was, probably seven or eight, when I was ushered into the room by my granny or my parents to meet Swamiji. He was wearing orange robes and had a long flowing grey beard. At that time, I used to be afraid of men with long flowing beards. I touched his feet as told, but looked for a corner far away where I could deposit myself. But Swamiji was just so happy to see me that he made me sit right in front of him. He addressed me as Chinnu, I still did not look up. “My name is Nishant and not Chinnu!“, I said indignantly in my head!

This is all I can remember of my first meeting with Swamiji.

It’s been 27 years since Sadguru Swami Atmanishtananda Saraswati took Samadhi – on 10 June, 1992. He graced our home ‘The Nest’ with his presence for many years. I have so many fond memories of him. I can still smell the incense of his room.  I can still feel the calm energy of that space. I can still see his warm smile, which made it easy for me to become a follower and it didn’t matter if he called me Chinnu or Nishant

When I was about ten, I had asked him to help me with a contest question which had featured in Tinkle (a children’s magazine). He looked at it and said,”I don’t know the answer to this” I was appalled,”But you are Swamiji,” I protested, “you should be knowing about everything!” All I got in response was a roaring laugh.

As I grew older, I loved spending time sitting near his feet. I wasn’t a very talkative then, but I’d just sit and listen to him speak to the adults. As usual, he would have his hand on my head while he spoke to the others. I remember distinctly, a reflective silence descending after he spoke, no matter how many people were there in the room.

When in Mumbai, he stayed with us for a couple of weeks. I used to visit him in the evenings after school. He would keep our conversations quite general. Initially, I sat with my head down (not out of fear but my inherent shyness) and mumble responses to him. But as I grew comfortable I would look up and answer and then go back to staring at the floor.

Painted by Kiran Ramakrishnan

I remember the evening of his passing away very well. I was around 17 and going through the usual teenage issues. I was exercising in the room with my metal music on when Dad came to inform me that Swamiji was no more. I was stunned. How could he go away so soon? That is when I realised I had lost someone special. I had so many questions I wanted answers to! I felt angry, let down.

I continued with my push-ups till that selfish feeling burned out and I stopped. I was too self-absorbed to even shed a tear though I went and joined the whole family to mourn his passing.

Since then, his divine presence has always graced our home, thanks to the lovely portrait (shared above) painted by Kiran Ramakrishnan – another ardent devotee. His grace has been with my family throughout these years.

For me personally, after missing him for so long and not being receptive to his presence I have got in touch with his energy again. This process of inner journey I have embarked on has opened my space to his presence.

Finally, I am receptive and ready to sit at his feet and learn – to explore and keep the seeker in me awake.

Note: For people interested in his teachings, his book Atmanishta Upanishad is available. Please leave a message in the comments section below and I will connect with you.