My Cynical Trials

Cynically tested!

Fade to black

“Sir, see the view from this side, you can see the airport”. said the property agent. I was hardly looking in that direction. My eyes were fixed right on the Metallica_2ground, 5 stories below. These are the small moments in your life where a brain fade could mean a difference between life and death. Yes, I was toeing that line for quite a while (maybe I still am). In those days, every time I stood on a high rise, something within me screamed – Jump now and end it all! All this pain and hurt is not worth living for! The voice is eventually fading thanks to my family and friends who speak to me daily and check on me.

Since the last couple of months, everyday there is at least one story on suicide in the newspapers. People killing themselves along with their families seems like a growing epidemic in the entire country. To make matters worse there have been some who have broadcasted this deed live on social media! The recent one being the 35 year old producer Atul Tapkir who put up a post blaming his spouse before ending his life.

India holds the dubious record of having the highest number of suicides globally in 2015, the farmer suicides in the villages was a big contributor to this. Fade_awayThe government as well as the NGOs are doing what they can, but we need a lot more than that. According to the World Health Organization (WHO) report titled ‘Depression and Other Common Mental Disorders — Global Health Estimates’ in 2015, around 5 crore Indians suffering from depression and it is one of the leading causes of suicidal deaths globally.

Recently the Indian parliament decriminalized suicide in the Mental Health Bill. Finally common sense prevails, it is horrible enough that the person feels its not worth living his/her life and then to get prosecuted for failing to take one’s life was ridiculous!

So, the question still remains, does suicide really set you free? Our scriptures say that unless and until karma has its say, you cannot escape it. So if you end your life for whatever issue vexes you this life, then it will show up in a different form in the next (maybe in a worse form). But what about now? None have seen what will happen post this life, its too difficult for an average human brain to imagine a world bLast resorteyond what you see and feel. If that itself is looking horrid at the moment then where is the question of even thinking about after life? When you don’t know how to swim and you are drowning with not much help in sight. You are moving your arms and legs to stay afloat, you scream but no one hears. If some do hear, then how would it feel if they screamed, “Stop getting scared!” and start giving you a lesson on how to swim! Yes, this is exactly how people react. Nobody jumps into save the person and that is where you think this struggle is just not worth it. Let me just sink and get over with.

People sayMetallica_Fade_to_black suicide is a sign of weakness. I say when you are drowning or standing on the edge of a cliff thinking about jumping or going down, it is the scariest thing to do. This is not a debate about bravery or cowardice, its about choosing life or death. I really don’t have any concluding argument here. For me it is each one on to their own. At the end of the day it is your life and you decide whether it is going to be your only one or next one will be better.

As of now I have decided to let my karma play its part, while I keep the cheat sheet in my back pocket.


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This entry was posted on May 10, 2017 by in reflections, relationships and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , .


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