#Songstream: Kitni Baatein

I had started writing this blog 2 years back and it stayed in the drafts folder. For a song which evokes strong emotions in me I just could not find the courage or the right words to express publicly. So what changed? Well I saw an announcement by Farhan Akhtar that he is re-releasing Lakshya on 21 June 2024. This movie is one of my all time favourites. First thought that came to mind, I am surely going to watch it again! The second one, let me finish this incomplete #songstream post.

In the movie, Kitni Baatein plays in the background of the Kargil war. The protagonists, who are estranged lovers come face to face after many years. The picturization of the song is quite symbolic. While the bombs are going off and all are sheltered in the bunker, thoughts continue to explode in the heads of the protagonists. Not a word is spoken but a war is being waged on the outside and within

Kitni baatein yaad aati hai
Tasveerein si ban jaati hain
Main kaise inhein bhooloon
Dil ko kya samjhaaun

Kitni baatein kehne ki hai
Honton par jo sehmi si hai
Ik roz inhein sun lo
Kyun aise gum-sum ho

When circumstances conspire to put you in the same space with someone you were in a serious relationship, it is natural for the mind to race through the past reels. The beautiful memories and the not so beautiful ones rush past as you struggle to find a firm footing. Can we ever forget these? I doubt it. We are excellent hoarders. We manage to stow all these memories up into an attic called the subconscious and forget. Sadly they somehow drop into our laps at the exact moment when that person comes in front of you. There is so much to say, so many questions to ask but the chatter is only confined to the head, as those words fail to find a voice.

Kyun poori ho na paayi daastaan, Kaise aayi hai aisi dooriyaan

When the dream of the happily ever after is broken, there is never a straight answer to the why. Blame the vagaries of life. Time does heal to an extent, but nothing will ever fill that chasm. You can spend a lifetime wondering how we got here, try and intellectualize it but trust me, no answer is satisfactory.

Dono ke dilo mein sawaal hain Phir bhi hain khamoshi, Toh kaun hain kiska doshi koi kya kahein

These lines feature in the Reprise version of the song. The original has different words, but somehow these resonate a lot with me

Why did it happen? Why did someone do what they did? Sometimes I wonder, after so many years do I really want the answers? Even if I get them, what will I do with it? Will it give me some degree of closure? Or will it open another pandora’s box of hurt and pain? Does it even matter after so many years have passed? Haven’t both suffered enough?

The landscape of life is littered with many unanswered questions that are best left where they are!

The melancholia of this song gets me every single time I hear it. Even after so many years the edge hasn’t blunted. But I guess it was time to release this blog into the universe. May be the there is nothing to be completed. Sometimes there may be no closure. You just live with the scars, look at them, reminisce and smile.

It is what it is!

PS: If you liked this post do click on the like button or leave a comment. In case you have missed the earlier blogs of the #SongStream series, here is the link to the list – #Songstream: Complete List